I am so sorry. Really, I am.
BUT I have one damn good excuse.
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Thursday, 16 June 2011
rottweiler
When being chased by a rottweiler life becomes that bit simpler, the ordinarily bogged down pages turn so much more easily. Get away from the devil and avoid the loss of a limb in the process; why is it then that one must fill in 20 pages of risk assessment? It is a troubling thought to cross my mind, 'If I get out of his alive I need to fill in 100 bloody forms confirming the event, consoling the owner of the dog and requesting a damn good lawyer.' Thank God I don't get chased by savage beasts often! I dread to imagine a career in dog-care, particularly rottweilers...
Fortunately I was able to lay my hands on a katana. Legal problems aside, it was a fantastic weapon and did the trick just fine, my pirate games as a child really paid off. A clean cut was what I aimed for, though it ended up as more of a hammer battery than silent ninja kill. Sh. Nobody told you that. The dog died painlessly - it was unconscious after the first few blows.
Satan's owner was very good about it all, I arrived at her doorstep full of crocodile tears I'd nicked from the zoo last week and told her some sob story about a truck hitting the bugger. She was a bit thick and so forgot to question the blatant katana marks, so everything went to plan! Apart from the cat. I swear it was an accident. The idiot wandered into my blade. It was a shame really, the wife left me because of it - still, at least I killed her dog. I hate rottweilers.
Fortunately I was able to lay my hands on a katana. Legal problems aside, it was a fantastic weapon and did the trick just fine, my pirate games as a child really paid off. A clean cut was what I aimed for, though it ended up as more of a hammer battery than silent ninja kill. Sh. Nobody told you that. The dog died painlessly - it was unconscious after the first few blows.
Satan's owner was very good about it all, I arrived at her doorstep full of crocodile tears I'd nicked from the zoo last week and told her some sob story about a truck hitting the bugger. She was a bit thick and so forgot to question the blatant katana marks, so everything went to plan! Apart from the cat. I swear it was an accident. The idiot wandered into my blade. It was a shame really, the wife left me because of it - still, at least I killed her dog. I hate rottweilers.
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