Wednesday, 18 May 2011

march forth!.... or not, lazy git

You may recall, all that time ago on 16th February of this year I briefly mentioned journeying to and from school. I certainly don't, apparently I did.
Often on the first trip I pass - or get stuck behind, a coach. It's always the same coach, with the same children on it; always the same phone number printed in the same font on the same white rear. It's always the same. I go through the same routine of insulting it, calling the driver an idiot and contemplating making rude gestures at it as I pass it.
Of course, I never do the latter, because I'm a good child.
Nothing ever happens,  because I always beat it. In the end. I walk off, confident in the knowledge that I am superior and poses more Doctor Who trading cards than anybody on said coach.
The coach trails away and sulks, I'm sure it sobs endlessly at night. I'm sure it wails for it's rusty and dilapidated mother, and just for that minute - that second in which the last breath is taken; it's mother calls back.


Monday, 16 May 2011

licking it up

I've never had an issue with people licking plates, neither has my dog. I find it hard to see why anybody would - after all, 'waste not want not'? The majority of people, however, seem to set out on a vendetta to all of us innocent plate licking beings.
Society has moved on from what it used to be, blacks are now acceptable and gays are gaining rights; so with our ever increasingly liberal viewpoint I fail to see why plate-licking is unacceptable.
I hate to single out a particular group, but mothers are our most common predator. Plate licking to them is as filthy an act as masturbation. It's like taking your school books, ejaculating all over them and chucking them into a fire.
You just don't do it.
I fully support anybody that openly licks plates, and I congratulate everybody that gets dirty looks for doing it.

Friday, 13 May 2011

imaginative title

iPhones. I have one. Lots of people do. They're overrated.
That was rather silly, and rather brief; I feel pushed to say something more though am at a loss as to what to say. I shall think about what happened today and get back to you.

An author visited my school today; he spoke and tried not to swear, he answered questions and told us how he gets down to write a book. I learned nothing.
I guess I do now know what it's like to have a bloke from Leicester telling you about his book about poo, but that's not the most productive way of spending an English lesson. I disliked what this author was saying. Deeply.
I don't know what it was that he was saying that I didn't like so much, but there was just a nagging dislike the moment he started talking about his books. This isn't really going anywhere, and if it did it wouldn't be very productive, but I just don't like it when people make out that what we see everyday is all negative. Gangs. Neglected youths. Drug addicts. People don't seem to be able to get past all of that bullshit. I acknowledge that there are large problems associated with those things, and that those things themselves are large problems, but when people claim that that's all there is to life my blood boils like soup. Open your eyes and you'll see a lot.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

pew number three

Peering out from behind the pastel white wooden door, I could hear the gentle hum of dislocated singing seeping under my door frame - Matthew is a friend whom I have known for a few years, and is unfortunately not blessed with an amazing singing voice. Through numerous online games I have come to know him better and have eventually ended up in numerous Skype conversations with him; which explains the singing. I cautiously placed my foot upon the dirty cream carpet, the difference in textures causing me to startle a little. Hesitantly, I hauled my other foot from out of the ocean and into the desert. Something was wrong. My iron levers and alloyed cogs ground to a rusty halt. Red dust cascaded from the walkways and showered the workers, scalding oil spilled out from the vats as men fled from it's already singed path.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011


Times change, just as does underwear: if one stayed the same for too long life begins to get a bit uncomfortable. And hot. And smelly. I have turned back to my Facebooking ways of late, it was near impossible to stay in touch with many of my friends and restricted my social life even father. 17 miles.
Everything I said in my post about the big book DOES still stand, however ^^ - my generation does abuse it and use it unnecessarily. Though it isn't pointless. Kind of.

That was pointless.